notes
date
02-09-2014

easied:

*this pizza serves 4-6 people*

bitch, the only person eating this pizza is me

(via yelled)

If My Dog Could Talk

  • Dog: WAT DOING
  • Me: Nothing. I just stood up.
  • Dog: WHERE GO
  • Me: I'm literally walking 3 feet away. I'm not even leaving the room.
  • Dog: CAN I COME
  • Me: I mean sure but I'm literally just-
  • Dog: I COME TOO
  • Dog: WAT DOING
  • Me: I need to open this door.
  • Dog: I HALP
  • Me: No but you're in front of the door. Move please.
  • Dog: I HALP
  • Me: Sigh.
  • Dog: WHERE GOING
  • Me: I am going right back to the exact place I was sitting a second ago.
  • Dog: CAN I COME
  • Me: Sure.
  • Dog: I SIT IN LAP
  • Me: No please don't you are-
  • Dog: I SIT IN LAP
  • Me: No there's no room and-
  • Dog: LAP
  • Me: No, sit on the floor and I'll pet you.
  • Dog: RIGHT HERE
  • Me: That's literally on top of my leg.
  • Dog: IT'S PERFECT PET ME
  • Me: I am petting you. One second, let me just grab my glass-
  • Dog: PET ME PET ME PET ME PET ME
  • Me: I literally am petting you, I just needed a drink-
  • Dog: PET ME PET ME PET ME PET ME
  • Me: I AM
  • Dog: I SIT IN LAP
  • Dog: PET ME PET ME PET ME
  • Dog: HOLD SLOBBER TOY
  • Dog: SNEEZE IN UR FACE
  • Me: .......

spookydeantops:

U HAD SEX

WITHOUT ME?????

(Source: twinkdancy, via yelled)

notes
date
02-09-2014

dulect:

I don’t need you, I have other people to talk to

image

(via yelled)

notes
date
02-09-2014
notes
date
02-09-2014

officialalltimelow:

Meeting people on tumblr

PERKS:

  • attractive
  • into the same shit as you
  • kind and understanding
  • humorous
  • good company
  • easy to talk to

CONS:

  • LIVE IN THE MIDDLE OF FUCKING NOWHERE OR ON JUPITER 

(via yelled)

Me as a Parent

  • Child: Hey dad could you please sing a lullaby?
  • Me: *clears throat* cOMIN OUT OF MY CAGE AND I BEEN DOIN JUST FINE GOTTA GOTTA BE DOWN BECAUSE I WANT IT ALL
notes
537
date
02-09-2014
notes
date
02-09-2014